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TOTAL DISFUNCTION





                                 TOTAL DISFUNCTION

          My needs at home were not being met.  There was no security.  I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. I found myself clinging more to Dave and he didn’t like it.  I gave him back his ring and we broke up.
          Dave's life and mine were like night and day. He had a good home life. His was functional. Mine was not. I felt no one cared about me.
          One thing that lasted out of our relationship was my Siamese cat, Pye.  Dave had given her to me when she was a kitten.  She was always there. When I cried she climbed into my lap to comfort me.  I knew she loved me and I knew Bronco did also (even though I would get angry and take my anger out on him...I did love him.) I also felt responsible for him.
          Around this time, I decided I liked animals better then people. They always loved you unconditionally. Would not abandon you. And they were always with you when you needed them. 
          Bronco tolerated Ed more then I did.  There were a few times when I was in my room and Ed came and sat on the bed to talk to me.  Boldness would rise up inside me and I would stand up against him with my words.  He would leave. I think his motive was to try to be my friend. But, I was not having any of it. I knew I could not trust this man.
        (The boldness always surprised me. I am a gentle person, but on occasions when I could have been harmed in some way: the boldness would arise.)
 ****************
          A bizarre thing happened.  Ed’s brother, his wife and baby came to our house and stayed a few days.  Ed’s brother had just gotten out of prison.  I really did feel sorry for the man; he seemed so broken in his spirit.  But I also was very uncomfortable after I found out he had been in prison. (I wasn’t told why he had been in prison.)
         Later on, I would hear Mom and Aunt Ruby speaking in hushed tones. When they saw I was listening, there would be glances between them, and then the subject would change. 
                What I had thought all along, would be confirmed.