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The noon
hour was moderately warm for late March.
Voices intermingled with the sound of singing robins, as the group of
ninth grade girls, left the school ground for lunch on Main Street. I tagged along, even though I hadn’t been
invited. Anything was better than being
alone.
“That
was a rough test in English this morning,” I ventured.
Agnes
and Jennifer glanced at me but didn’t answer.
The rest of the girls never acknowledged that I had spoken. My words hung in mid-air and then nose-dived. If there had been a hole available I would have
crawled in. As we
continued walking, I thought of Chuck.
He had been accepted right away because the boys weren’t as territorial
as the girls. There were times when I felt deserted by Chuck. When I passed him and his friends in the
hallway at school, he ignored me. He had
a couple of friends who flirted with me, and when they came to the house, they
gave me a lot of attention. I had a
feeling Chuck felt threatened by that somehow.
Hotchkiss
High School was a
providence of nonacceptance as far as I was concerned. It seemed to me that the
girls ran in a tightly knit pack. How
could I belong to this group of girls who had known each other all of their
lives? How could I squeeze through the
walls that held me out? Would it ever be possible to break into this click that
was so tightly bonded against outsiders?
And why should I care? I wished I
didn’t care...but unfortunately I did care...I wanted to belong.
Late
in the afternoon the school bus pulled into the driveway. Chuck, Bronco and I walked toward the
house. Emotionally my chin was hanging
to the ground.
“You
got some mail,” Mom announced as we entered the kitchen. “I put it on your
bed.”
My
spirits lifted as I bounded the flight of stairs. There on the lavender bedspread was the welcoming
sight...three white envelopes, two from Dave and one from Barb. The cares and rejection of the day melted as
I stretched across the bed and caught up with news from Albuquerque.
There were friends
who actually acknowledged that I existed.
Friends who cared about me.
Please leave a comment...I would to hear from you
Please leave a comment...I would to hear from you
